In the excitement of returning home, I've let it slip to a few people that I won't be here after October. So far, they have been acquaintances, not coworkers.

Today, though, one of my coworkers told me (confidentially) that she is considering taking a job she was offered. She wanted to confide in someone, and I was the only one around. She wanted an opinion, and just to get everything out of her head. In turn, I shared my news with her. It felt really good. Mainly, it felt good because she is a coworker - she knows the cast of characters, and she knows all the factors involved. She knew they would have a hard time keeping me here, so she wasn't all that shocked. Plus, she was happy for me, that I was returning to good things. What a relief. It was the first time I was able to articulate why I was leaving, I why took the job in the first place. Essentially: If I knew then what I know now...


It seems a bit more real now, too. I was inexplicably touchy and upset last night about this whole thing. When I left to come here, I found myself in a similar dichotomous situation as I find myself now. It's not nearly the same, though. The decision has been infinitely easier to make this time.

I guess my frustration comes from not being able to have my cake and eat it too. I will have my cake, and eat hi- erh.. it, but I think I will have to find another recipe for the icing.

I don't think that makes sense to anyone but me. Hm. Now I'm hungry.